| An old friend of mine from the military hung himself recently and not to be dramatic, but I often wonder if he isn't the lucky one.
Life can be so not worth it. Life can be so full of anger, hostility, disappointment, stress, stress...and on and on. If we are all going to die, why not die sooner than later?
I've thought about shooting myself, but that's too messy and it seems likely you'd shoot yourself at home. That's not real fair to those left behind, or that person who finds you.
I've thought about hanging myself, with a drop cloth beneath me - and a rope rigged so that person who finds you can easily let you down, onto the drop cloth - no mess, no fuss.
Pills seems easiest, but a fear would be not doing it right - ending up some vegatable or rushed to the hospital and going through that mess.
Why don't I just do it, if life is that bad, or at least bad at times? Or, seems bad? Is it being afraid....a coward? Not sure, but....I have family - kids...and what would that do to them? My darkness is something I go through alone, unbenounced to anyone else...so it wouldn't be 'better for them' if I am gone - it'd be worse and the event itself would be horrible for them.
So...on those depression laced days, when it doesn't seem worth it....I exist, I push forward....and think about the lucky ones. | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | I could spend a thousand dollars on books...each week and still need more. I think I have some sort of book addiction. I wonder what rehab will be like.... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I sent my daughter out to get us a Christmas tree - latest we have ever been in Dec without one. Life has just been so busy.
I told her - just get a Charlie Brown tree - something small....we will only have it for a week or so. She agreed...plus it will help with space when we have so many people over.
So, she returns - with one of those trees that you are supposed to plant after the holiday, pretty expensive - but small. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Sharp words cut like a sword, but words of wisdom heal. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | cell phone | | Time: | 07:19 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/thinking.gif) contemplative |
|
| What cell phone brand/model....do you own?
What's been your experience with it....good, bad.....so, so.....what? | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 07:17 am | | Current Mood: | busy |
|
| | I still don't have my tree up.....this is by far the latest in the season without a tree. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| We put some much emphasis in breast cancer. Sure, it bad..but why not have some sort of marches, slogans…ads for Prostate Cancer? It is more prevalent – and in 2007 more reported cases.
I want to start a slogan… “March for Balls, not Boobs!”
Or…just simple, “Balls not Boobs”. See….that’s gold!
Boobs have no real job..but balls..come on…they work for a living!
Once we get the nation on board - we will drop the reference to boobs...and simply go with.."I'm Marching for my balls".
Yeah.... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | What's worse that a micro-managing boss that is afraid to let anyone else make a decision? | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Mexican friend of mine came back from his hometown and brought me some candy. Couldn't read what is was, as I don't speak Spanish.
Candy bar shaped clay like substance, covered in sugar. After a few bites, I asked what it was - apparently some prune candy.
Didn't like it, but on the positive side I have never been more "regular". :) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | I have one week of training left - then, I begin the new job. YET - there is some over-lap for two weeks with the guy I am replacing. Will it never end! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Halfway through training for my new job - so far, all is great. Should have worked today, but needed a day off with the family.
Homecoming tonight, my daughter is going to the dance with her friends, luckily, "he" won't be there.
Been getting headaches lately, I hope it isn't a pesky tumor. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Old Girlfriend
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend today.
It's been years since I have seen her. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic.'
'Wow!' I said. 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the 'energy' I used to have.'
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd 'rise' to the challenge. 'Yeah,' I said 'just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone.....everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed, and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!'
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby grey haired older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. 'Anyway', she giggled, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'
So I told her to f#ck off. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I am two days into a training program for my new position within my same company. It's odd to go from being the expert to the newbie...after 13 years, I am the "newbie" again.
Born Again Virgin?
Yeah, it can happen. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Do you ever contemplate why you make your journal public? What makes you want other people to see thoughts, ideas, your life...
Do we seek, need...that feedback, recognition, acclaim, reward...? Approval?
In a written journal I keep, I find that I am far more open, far more..."me".
I wonder... | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| I hate when you have the best intentions, but...your potential good deed back fires...and you end up feeling badly.
Yes, you do know how that feels.
Yes, you do. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
dancingbull's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/angry.gif){kind=small}
cynical![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/blah.gif){kind=small}
exanimate![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif){kind=small}
disappointed